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Dec. 19th, 2004

I watched Great Expectations last night, actually, this morning, when I couldn't sleep... It's one of my favorite movies. I love it, always have. The idea that she's so cold, I suppose that I may have identified myself with her before, but not so much anymore. Maybe still, I see a large aspect of myself in her...
And then Mich and I were browsing through my computer and I found this poem, which I think kinda fits the whole idea of the movie. I think that Dove showed it to me for the first time... but I'm not 100% certain.
I love this poem... so I thought that everyone should see it. It's not really me now, but I still identify with it to a point.
But anyway...

Inner Workings
By: Rod McKeur

I have seen you
when your smiles and frowns
were so tied up and intermingled
that none – not even you
could have said
with any sureness
what face you were giving
to the crowd
I have walked with you to subways
when the parting was difficult
and less than 20 minutes later
been with someone else
and loved you none the less
I have spied on you
and looked accusingly
when I myself, knew well
that I was in the wrong
I have wept for you
about you
and one time with you
I have shared your secrets
and kept private
secrets of my own
I have fought with you
and over you
loved you and disliked you
in equal parts and at the same time
I have thought that I would die
if you failed to turn up
on some preselected night
and then you didn’t
wished I would
I have loved you
never asking if I should
I have trusted you
not caring if I could
or couldn’t
In company
with strangers or your friends
I have smiled and gone on smiling
when I thought no single smile
or grin
was left inside me
If we were unhappy
with one or the other
why shouldn’t it be
just our concern
I have watched you play
with other people’s children
and felt they were our own
I’ve heard you hum
some made up tune at breakfast
and watched you killing time all day
while you awaited killing me at night
I have lied to you
for no good reason
I have troubled you
and even when I knew it
sometimes that didn’t make me stay
The things we do in love’s name
never stop surprising me
I’m amazed that love can live at all
through all the subterfuge
pass through all the barricades
stumble over all the obstacles
we construct and put up in it’s way
The first seed
wherever planted
must have been a hearty strain
Just now
what kind of passion
stirs inside me
I can’t say what I feel for you
and it’s as much love
but whether it’s because I feel you leaving
slipping from me day to day
or because I need, depend on,
want just you
I have no way of knowing
Our lives together
have become so knotted
muddled up
that who’s to say
where the heart ended
and habit started to open up?
I love you – yes
But I don’t mean for you to know it.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 19th, 2004 09:38 pm (UTC)
that will always be one of my favorite poems. i think i use every and any opportunity to show it to people :)

hope you're keeping warm in the snow.
love, dove
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:03 am (UTC)
Yeah, the poem rocks my socks.
I hate snow... Can't wait to see you Wednesday.
Dec. 21st, 2004 06:57 pm (UTC)
Didn't you both show me that poem? hum. nevermind.
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:22 pm (UTC)
Most likely, at some point.
How are you?
Dec. 21st, 2004 10:50 pm (UTC)
Grood...i mean good and great. Yes. Grood.
In short: I finally have a hot minute without classes. I started a drag troupe. I have nothing done on my thesis. I graduate in May.
What about you?
Dec. 21st, 2004 10:56 pm (UTC)
Grood is an interesting word. Good job with that.
I'm good.
Working about a week a month, looking for a place... Fun stuff. You know how it is.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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